Grocery shopping is an emotional experience for me, and has been for the past decade and a half.

Between the ages of 30 and 31 I was diagnosed with 3 autoimmune disorders, the most severe being Crohn’s disease (an inflammatory bowel disease). It came on hard and fast, and while I was blessed to get a quick diagnoses and medications to help initially, my symptoms grew worse by the day. My body could not absorb the fats and nutrients that it needed to function, and within 6 months my weight and energy levels were at a scary all time low. I had to scale back working, and struggled to find the energy to keep up with my 3 year old, let alone do household chores.

One thing I remember being extremely difficult was grocery shopping. Pushing the cart felt almost impossible, as was lifting items in and out, checking out at the register, loading the vehicle, and unloading at home. Not to mention that I was unable to eat most foods due to my digestive distress, so selecting from the shelves seemed almost a cruel joke. But I needed to feed my daughter and husband, so it was something I pushed myself to do to feel like I still was functioning in the midst of it all.

The events that followed which led to my recovery from illness, and a place of thriving today, are stories for another time. However, less than a decade after my initial diagnoses I experienced a different kind of struggle at the grocery store, this time following the sudden death of my husband. Walking those aisles after you’ve lost someone you loved and lived with is another level of pain. Certain items no longer have a place in your pantry if the person who ate them isn’t there. More than that, in the early stages of my grief a concept as simple as buying and preparing food felt impossible. This time it wasn’t due to physical incapacity, but emotional instead. I have vivid memories of standing in the grocery aisles, staring blankly at the shelves, large tears rolling down my face. I didn’t even care if anyone saw me like that (which they did), I just needed to get through it. My only motivation was making sure my daughter had food to eat, and thank God for that.

Eventually, again by the grace of God, each trip to the supermarket got a bit easier. Then a few years later, I was blessed to have a new person to shop for. Having my then-boyfriend/now-husband in my life brought a new joy to walking up and down those aisles. I smiled while selecting items to have at my house that I knew were his favorites, or purchasing road-trip snacks for the three of us to enjoy as we headed to another basketball tournament. Not only did I not dread the activity anymore, but I had a new appreciation for it.

I still get emotional when I grocery shop today, but for different reasons. Every time I swipe my credit card at the register I am filled with gratitude for the means to afford the food we eat. My eyes well with tears when I think of those who do not have enough, whose pain is actual hunger. It stops me in my tracks whenever I feel like complaining about making a shopping list or needing to search for my reusable bags. My own experiences also helped me to have a greater sense of empathy for those I cross paths with, whether at the store, in a mall, or at the post office. Sometimes, depending on the situations in our life, we are just getting by….and that goes for the people we encounter each and every day. There will always be people dealing with the loss of a loved one, fighting an illness, or feeling lost and alone. We may not be able to help every single person, but we can do our part to smile at the stranger, hold the door for the busy mom, or grab the item from the top shelf for the elderly. Every aspect of our day offers an opportunity to make someone else’s a little brighter. As someone who has needed it before, I know it can make all the difference.